Well, maybe that's a bit strong, but agitation isn't quite strong enough. Or perhaps what starts out as an irritation simmers through agitation until it boils over into anger. Yep, that's the ticket. Many who are unfamiliar with ADHD would say "he's got a short temper". And I might be inclined to agree if it weren't for all the failed attempts at stress/anger management over the years. There are a multitude of courses and programs available to help one learn how to manage the stress and anger in their lives. They span the spectrum from the Mayo Clinic's "10 Ways To Tame Your Temper" to "Dr. Joe's Online Anger Management Class" (yes, it's real). There's even a 5 minute anger management course on You-Tube, perfect for the ultra-short attention span of ADHD!
I kid you not. In fact, I think that many of these plans should have a disclaimer like you see your favorite cereal box. You know, "Eating this cereal will reduce your risk of heart disease * ". But wait, what's that " * " at the end mean? That directs you to the fine print at the bottom of the box (better get your microscope out) that further clarifies this claim.... "a diet that includes at least 3 grams of soluble fiber from whole grain foods, like this cereal, and is low in saturated fat and includes moderate exercise 2 - 3 times a week can lower the risks associated with heart disease". So is it the cereal that lowers my risk or are they just tagging along with the healthy lifestyle?
Now I do believe there are worthwhile programs that have helped more than the occasional person successfully manage their stress and anger. But show me something worthwhile and successful and I'll show 50 knock-off wannabees that will "absolutely guarantee you the world or your money back, for just 3 easy payments of $29.99 (plus shipping and handling). And if it doesn't work just return it and keep the free bonus squishy ball as a thank you just for trying it out!" Just a touch of cynicism here.
But what if your anger isn't born out of the usual stressors? What if it isn't caused by looming deadlines, financial worries or the arrogant bastard you call "boss"? What if you're 90% of the way to "BOOM" before the "usual" stressors even start? Could you see how that might make it appear to most as a "hair trigger" temper? Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD.
One aspect that has been particularly difficult for me in managing my life with ADHD is sensory sensitivity. For example, bright lights, bright colors, anything visually bright can be more than a bit irritating for me. I'm not just talking about the obvious, like walking down the Vegas Strip at night. Even something ordinarily as serene as watching the multitude of birds that visit my feeders every morning can give me a headache. Try to imagine.....Cardinals, Gold Finches, Blue Jays, Red Winged Blackbirds, Red Bellied Woodpeckers, House Finches (purple), Purple Martins...........all the colors of the rainbow flitting and flapping, chirping and squawking, smacking my eyes all at once..........before my first cup of coffee!
But sounds are the worst. I can't remember the last time I was able to truly enjoy, I mean be totally wrapped up in, a nice lunch or dinner out with my wife. Or anyone for that matter. I find it nearly impossible to focus on the conversation with the person across the table from me. A restaurant is the ultimate distraction pool for ADHD. There's 25 different conversations happening simultaneously, between 50 different people, all within earshot. It rivals even Christmas Eve Dinner at my in-laws where, in its heyday, around 50 people sat at one long table carrying on 20 different conversations in 2 different languages........with those at the opposite end of the table. In the early years for me, and I say this with the utmost affection and respect, the meal's second course was usually Excedrine. But why is this a problem? Because I am compelled to listen in on at least 6 of the surrounding conversations at any given moment. And it's not just background noise, it's like I'm participating in each conversation (all 6 of them), simultaneously, with full comprehension. Which makes it very difficult to concentrate on the one I truly want to be participating in. Sensory overload.
So it's not too much of a stretch to comprehend how much energy it can take to manage the sensory overload that is a large part of the ADHD experience. Which doesn't leave much left over to manage the "usual" stressors that "normal" life throws at you. And when left over energy runs out ............."BOOM".
So what to do about this? How do I keep from unleashing this ADHD-osaurus Rex on it's next random victim? There is no silver bullet, no one size fits all solution to this dilemma, and it can't be cured overnight either. Rather it is through a combination of patience, persistence and good old fashioned faith that I believe one can prevail. But wait a minute.....these three things are characteristically absent from the ADHD personality. Which is why there is one more key ingredient needed in the formula that will allow one to successfully manage a life with ADHD ..............help.
It is a rare individual indeed who can surmount this challenge solo. To my knowledge, no person has ever summited Mt. Everest alone. And so it is with ADHD. In my last post I spoke about "awareness" being the key to unlocking a life with ADHD. Part of that is understanding and acknowledging that you can't do it alone. Where you find help is as unique to you as the way your brain is wired, and accepting it will be beyond difficult for most. Whether you find it in books written by experts (Drs. John Ratey, Ed Halliwell and Daniel Amen to name a few), professional coaching, support groups, friends and family, or organizations like CHADD (Children and Adults with ADD) you can only benefit from asking for, and accepting, help. But though you will find more outside help than you could ever have hoped for once you have acknowledged your need, don't forget to look inside as well. Call it a Yin/Yang thing if you will, but you need both. One without the other is only part of the solution.
At some point I believe every individual living with ADHD will enter a state of acceptance and resignation. You will either accept that your life will never be what you hoped for and resign yourself to the lifetime of struggles and frustrations you will have to endure.......or accept that life works differently for you and resign yourself, no matter your age and resources, to re-learning how to live it with contentment. If you choose the latter, life may not be all you had hoped and dreamed........it could be much, much more.
j.d.
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