Ketchup ……
Huh??? What in the world can America’s favorite condiment have to do with ADHD? And is it really a condiment or, as many college students would argue, the fifth major food group? I fear I could write an entire post (and then some) on that question alone. But I will save that for another day.
Now I can see most of you are scratching your heads on this one but bear with me and I think it will all make sense by the end. First, let’s deal with the spelling … why not “catsup” you may ask? Honestly I don’t know the difference between the two spellings (if there really is one) or if one product is actually different from the other. I never really bothered to check and to do so now (I’m truly tempted) would be giving in to the magnetic pull of the Almighty Distraction of Historic Dimensions. I will fight the urge to Google it and tell you that my reason is simply to stop bouncing around the alphabet and get back on track with my original premise. Were that ADHD was that simple. So keeping the “C’s” firmly fixed in the rearview mirror I look onward to the “K’s”.
So why Ketchup? For starters it sounds remarkably similar to “catch-up”, which is the theme of today’s post. But it also reminds me of how many people approach the subject of ADHD, especially adults. Ketchup is one of those things that are always in the refrigerator. No matter where you go, everyone has some and everyone uses it at least occasionally …… and it has a shelf-life rivaling that of the Twinkie. Honestly, do they really need to print a “freshness date” on these things? It starts out occupying a premium space on the door when you buy it. But it quickly gets displaced by the next purchase (bottle of soy sauce perhaps) and so begins its journey around the fridge until it finally settles in, lurking in the back behind all the real food that you use daily, the stuff that you choose to give your attention. You know it’s there, you know right where it is when you need it. But oddly enough when you do want it you always end up having to empty half the refrigerator to find it. But it’s there when you need it. Just like ADHD it’s waiting for a time when you will need it, whether it’s to enhance our existence by acknowledging the role it plays in our daily life or just to cover the unpalatable taste of something we must choke down in the moment.
And this is where I am today. I’m stuck with some truly unpalatable items on my plate that I know in my heart of hearts I must choke down to survive and I am desperately trying to find the “ketchup”. To “catch up” is what I desperately need to do. I can sense the impending implosion looming over me if I don’t. You know what I mean, that panicky feeling like there’s a freight train bearing down on you, engines thundering and whistle screaming, you’re watching it race closer and closer ………… and your feet are glued to the tracks!!!
You see, this winter I got stuck. I mean really stuck. I just couldn’t seem to get anything done unless it was a crisis. I was constantly doing fire control. At work, at home, even in my own head. So as a result there are things I needed to get done over the past few months but haven’t. I am keeping on top of the new and current tasks but everything that got pushed aside for each “crisis”………I just can’t seem to get back to. Deadlines have come and gone, excuses …er… justifications have been made, sleep has been lost (some hair too). But it seems the harder I try the more easily and readily I get distracted and off track. Before the Holidays I even broke down and got a prescription from my neurologist for Daytrana (yes, I’ve decided it’s time for meds again) ………….. only to find that it had been recently recalled because the adhesive on the patch was not working effectively. There was none to be found anywhere. (Is the universe conspiring against me?!?)
So here it is, 6 weeks later and the train is getting closer…………and I’m still standing on the tracks. It is by sheer force of will that I am able to get even a single task completed each day, but I guess that is progress. Excruciatingly slow, but progress all the same. It feels a bit like I have circled around back to where I started a few years ago when I began this journey, like I’m back to square one. But I know in my heart this is merely a back-step, if only because I am sharing this here rather than trying to keep it hidden from view. To be sure there will be consequences to be endured for my inaction, and I will bear them and try to learn from them. I will work with my coach on these issues in our next meeting. I will get another prescription, one that can be filled this time. And I will begin again the process of learning how to live with ADHD. Only this time I am starting a couple steps ahead of the last time. I guess that in itself is progress, perhaps even success.
Like Ketchup, one must decide for them self whether they will treat their ADHD like a condiment, keeping it hidden from view in the back of their life’s refrigerator …… or like a food that must be consumed regularly to sustain the life they want and deserve. In this particular moment I choose, once again, to try the latter.
Now where’d I put the mustard ………
j.d.
