Distraction !!!!
Whew, that was a close call! But I’m back, if only for a short while. It has been a couple weeks since my last post here and I almost let this slip away like so many things in my life. Like many adults who struggle with ADHD I have many wonderful ideas screaming through my head almost continuously but most are lost in the clamor and chaos that defines my mind. On the rare occasion when I am able to pluck one from the throng, I move into a state of hyper-focus and with laser-like precision, begin developing it toward its potential.
Until another idea comes along, distracting me from the task at hand. Thus have many potentially wonderful visions faded into oblivion, unfulfilled. And this one very nearly met the same fate. But it has been granted a last minute stay and so is one step closer to realizing its full potential. For the moment anyway. It’s an uphill battle and for certain there will be many more distractions to deal with before it’s done. And knowing that is half the battle. The other half is taking things one small step at a time and counting each day you stay on task as a small success. You will slip, it’s inevitable. But it’s only failure if you don’t come back to it. So this will be a rather short entry because I don’t have a lot of time today, its primary purpose simply to get me back on track (success).
I do have a good reason for getting off track though (don’t I always?) ……… it was the Holiday Season. For me that is defined as the six weeks that begin before Thanksgiving and end shortly after New Years Day (when the kids go back to school). For many years this was the worst, most busy time of year for me. I worked for other people who had goals and agendas to be met, something I never seemed quite able to fully grasp. So basically I got to see my family on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day because I was working 80+ hours a week trying to meet other peoples’ goals while they (the bosses) enjoyed time with their families secure in the knowledge that I and others like me were toiling away on their behalf.
Then, about 15 years ago, I had an epiphany. Actually, I just got really angry when my boss pushed a bit too far one day. I decided I was not going to watch from the sidelines as my family grew old without me, and quietly quit my job to start my own consulting business. I had just built a house that came with the customary oversize mortgage. My wife had quit her job to be a stay at home Mom for our 6 month old son. We had no savings to fall back on. I had no client list to work with and no real plan for how this “business” would become reality. And I had just quit my job, the only source of income we had. What was I thinking!!! I’ll never forget those three days. They were the longest three days of my life yet they seemed to flash by in mere seconds. I decided on Friday afternoon that I’d had enough. I went into the office on Sunday morning (when I was sure nobody would be there), cleaned out my office and typed up my letter of resignation. It was short and to the point, careful not to point fingers or lay blame, stating simply that I needed a change and offered as much time as they required to close out any current business I was working on. I left one copy on my boss’s desk and another in the mailbox of the company CEO to cover my ass.
When I came in Monday morning it was official and everyone knew it. I said my goodbyes and left before morning coffee break. Now for the hard part ……… how to tell my wife. You see I was not much good at communicating my inner thoughts, fears, anxieties with anyone let alone my wife. I walked the mall for a couple hours, sat through a couple movies, all the while trying to figure out how to break the news to my wife and survive the ensuing fury I expected would follow. I finally got home about 7pm without a plan. When I walked in my wife was standing at the kitchen sink with her back to me washing dishes. I took a deep breath and, with refinement and class befitting actor David Niven, blurted out “I quit my job” ……… and braced for impact.
She calmly turned around, looked me in the eye and, with all the grace and elegance of Princess Diana, said “It’s about f***ing time!”
I learned a valuable lesson that day, though it has taken me many years since to realize it. She knew, even before I did, what the job was doing to me. She had the wisdom to let me come to the crossroads on my own and make my own choice. And she had the strength and compassion (still does) to stand by me and share the struggle all these years. Ever since then I spend most of the Holiday Season with my family and very little time at the office, and it's all good.
The lesson ? ……… share everything with those you hold dear. They may not always agree with you or understand you, but they love you and will go through Hell and back for you just the same. And they have earned the right to make that decision for themselves. An added bonus, they might just be able to offer valuable perspective when it is needed most.
So, to my wife and children ...... “I may never be able to take you to the Moon, but I can hold you close while we gaze upon it together and dream”.
j.d.
