"A" is for............................

attention, addiction, alcohol, apathy, the list is long........longer than my limited attention span will allow for.  But for me the "A" word that stands apart from the rest is "awareness".


Awareness........a word often synonymous with enlightenment, an important aspect of zen philosophy.  But for many who live with ADHD awareness is the turning point in their lives, the fulcrum on which their life pivots from chaotic frustration to, dare I say, hopeful?  Awareness is finding the light switch in a dark room.  Not that you can just turn it on and see the path laid before you.  No, finding the switch is gaining the knowledge that light can exist in the dark room of ADHD.  It is realizing that if certain conditions are met....

........there is electricity flowing to the switch
........there is a working light fixture in the room
........the wires to the switch and fixture are intact
........there is a working light bulb in the fixture

then filling the room with light is possible.   I now know what I have to do.  I have a focus, a plan to follow.  Light is possible.  There is hope.........


Hope...........the most powerful word in the English language, in any language.  It is the foundation of the human condition.  Without it we could not grow, advance, succeed, evolve.  Without hope we would still be living in caves wearing animal skins and waiting for the next lightning strike to gain fire.  But hope is often an elusive concept for those living with ADHD.  For me hope was always a fleeting concept that evaporated with the next distraction, forgotten an instant after it began.  It was never real.  I couldn't feel it, touch it, taste it........it was just a word.  On a good day hope, like most thoughts that continually race through my head, would only occasionally be recognized.  Most thoughts slip through in a blur, not in succession but in combination.  Apparently my brain can multi-task.......sadly, I can not.  


I can not remember the exact moment I became "aware" (pardon the "Matrix" reference).  It was not the moment when a professional broke the news.  Not like when a doctor tells you "you have cancer" or the like.  There was no kick in the gut, no "aha" moment, no phases or stages.  Don't misunderstand, I was told by a professional, several in fact, that "you have ADHD".    But it did not "flip the switch" on.  It didn't suddenly all make sense.  My life didn't change overnight with knowing.


Awareness crept.......creeps over me gradually, almost imperceptibly slow.  Most of the changes in my life are only recognizable when I look back in review over longer periods of time.  Much like enlightenment for the devotee of Zen Buddhism, I suspect that awareness will be a life-long journey.  I don't know if I will ever be fully aware, only more aware today than yesterday.  But that's not a single catastrophic failure.  No.  It is in fact a life-long series of small successes.  I am becoming aware each and every day of what it is to live with ADHD. 


And awareness gives me hope.  Real, tangible, lasting hope.

j.d.