What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear someone use the word "conditioning"? When I was a younger athlete it was the worst part of practice. When I was in Florida it meant "cool dry air" inside. Now-a-days the first thing that comes to mind is the rather vocal young woman on the Herbal Essence Shampoo commercials. Now that's conditioning! It screams out to all "wash your hair with this and have an instant orgasm"!!! And you can do it by yourself any time, anywhere ....... even in the bathroom at work on your lunch break! (If you get caught by the boss please leave my name out of it).
The marketing and advertising world has a profound understanding of the power of conditioning. Through the centuries they have refined it to an art form with all the strength, durability and dazzling brilliance of a fine cut diamond. But we all know about conditioning in this context. In fact we can often resist the impulse to "buy it" precisely because we know their sole motivation is to separate us from our hard-earned cash as quickly and completely as possible. Knowledge, or perhaps awareness, is our primary defense against this frontal assault. Fortunately we become bored rather easily and the marketing geniuses are required to come up with "new and improved" ways to condition us. So it is a constant psychological tug-of-war that keeps changing teams and playing fields in hopes of "winning".
But what if the conditioning was subtle? What if it was done in such a way that we were not even aware it was happening? What if it came at us from many different and unrelated sources? And what if it was continuous and unwavering over an extremely long period of time, say 20 ........ 30 ......... even 40 years or more? Just pondering the power of such a scenario sends a chill up my spine. But this is the foe that an AWA (Adult with ADHD) faces on the battlefield of the brain. And it is likely the most common cause of any failures we experience. At the very least it is often a major contributor.
From the day we first open our eyes and let loose our first cry we are recording all of our experiences like a "nanny-cam". But instead of just one input (video) we have up to 5 senses that we can record with (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell). Often we record simultaneously with multiple senses, overlaying them in such a way as to compound the experience. And any one of these "recordings" by itself can trigger a playback of the whole compounded experience either consciously, or sub-consciously. A "conscious" playback would be a memory. But a "sub-conscious" playback is a mechanism.
When faced with a new experience there are only two options, we either react or respond. They may sound like they are interchangeable terms but think about the context in which they are used .......
"He reacted to the medication"
"He responded to the medication"
There is definitely a difference. Reacting tends to be more instinctual, automatic, often involuntary. It is driven by past experience and/or repetition. Our brain evaluates the new experience and compares it to past experiences we have had, formulating a reaction designed for survival. The logic is that if it worked in the past it should work now. But reacting does not allow time to consider whether the overall context has changed, or if our needs are the same as last time. It is conditioned. You might be surprised to learn that many of our "reactions" in adult life are driven by experiences we had as small children!
Responding is more measured, thoughtful. A response requires pause to consider both your needs and the context of the situation. It weighs risks and possible outcomes. It requires that you step outside the boundaries of conditioning and look beyond your own experience for a way to respond to the current situation. Because of this, a response tends to be more positive, more satisfying, even if the eventual outcome is not what you desired. With the possible exception of imminent "life or death" scenarios a response is almost always preferred over a reaction.
But throughout our lives we learn what is "normal" in society. We are conditioned by example and through instruction from our parents, siblings, friends, teachers, bosses, coworkers ...... the list is long. We are told we need to plan ahead, have goals, work hard, be disciplined, stay focused ...... any of this sound familiar? The way we are taught in school places an emphasis on time and deadlines. Our lives revolve around schedules (work week, trash pick-up day, payment due dates). If we don't conform and perform according to "normal" expectations then we are labeled. You know the terms ..... lazy, absent-minded, undisciplined, irresponsible, immature, etc.
It is difficult to "condition" a behavior in children. Just ask a parent. It can take months or even years to do so effectively. And it is much harder to change it once it becomes habit, even if it's for the better. But to change a behavior in an adult, when it has had decades to root and take hold can be an insurmountable challenge. This is the conditioning the Adult with ADHD must overcome. And this is why it is so important to identify ADHD early in life. Not only so there are less years of conditioning to overcome, but so that the conditioning process can be appropriately adapted to be most beneficial for the child. How we teach our children now will determine how they learn throughout their lives. It will set the stage and provide the tools needed not only for personal growth but ultimately for teaching future generations how to respond to life's challenges.
j.d.
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