"D" is for ..................

Depression.

Over the past several weeks some of you have posted comments asking “where did you go?”  Fair question considering this is my first post since the New Year (Jan. 4^th to be precise).  Almost 2 months to the day but I hope you will cut me a little slack, February is a short month.  So if you have been following from the beginning you are witness to me falling down yet again.  I promised a post every couple weeks on a different topic of interest and, for several months, I held up my end.  But as will happen to those of us living with ADHD, there is always something in our path waiting to trip us up.  Some of these “obstacles” I have talked about in prior posts.  Fortunately for this blog the obstacle this time was one we haven’t really talked about yet, so you don’t have to endure me rehashing old material.

There are many ways to define “depression".  According to the popular website “WebMD” (http://www.webmd.com) the most common types are Major Depression (often called Clinical Depression) and Chronic Depression (also known as Dysthymia).  Then there is Seasonal Depression and Manic Depression.  And there are many distinct classifications and sub-types within each that exhibit different symptoms (or combinations of symptoms) and respond to different treatments.  By the way, the last two are more correctly referred to respectively as Seasonal Affective Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.  If pressed I don’t think I could adequately explain the difference between a “depression” and a “disorder”, so on that I will defer to more qualified professionals.  But we are all familiar with the term “depression” in some form or other.  It has become so mainstream that you can’t watch your favorite sit-com these days without being assaulted by ads for various pharmaceuticals aimed at combating some form of depression.  They cover the spectrum from A to Z ………… from Adapin to Zoloft (you thought I was kidding didn’t you?).  

“Feeling depressed?  Ask your doctor about [insert drug name].  You’ll be glad you did.”  

Do the marketing gurus really believe that modern medicine has evolved to the point where the patient is self-diagnosing and the doctor is just an order-taker?  What’s next, a drive through window at “Glaxo In The Box”?  Or perhaps “Baxter King”?  No wait, I’ve got one better ………… wait for it ………….”Merk-Donalds”!   I’ll leave the obvious slogans to your imagination.  I hope you can forgive my cynicism but I’m sure there are more than a few of you that share my feelings.

But I digress.  Let’s go back to depression.  In my oversimplified book there are two forms of depression.  One is physiological, caused by a chemical imbalance in the body/brain.  The other is psychological, an emotional response to our perception of our own existence.  The former can often be tested for, diagnosed and treated by a qualified medical professional.  It also has a tendency to be co-morbid with ADHD which can make it more difficult to treat.  The latter is much harder, in my personal experience, to identify and treat.  And the treatment process can be so frustrating at times that it adds to the depression rather than lessen it!  This is a type of depression that most adults living with ADHD will endure at different times in their lives.  

I find it ironic that we chose the term “depression” to describe this condition.  I envision it like I am a ball rolling along a flat, level path.  Rolling slowly along at a constant sustainable speed in the direction of my choosing.  Then I encounter a place where the surface of the path has dropped, creating a depression.  (I wonder, if you're bipolar would it be a sinkhole?)  Sorry, I was momentarily distracted.  Anyway, I roll down into this “depression” in the path but as I roll up the other side I don’t have enough momentum to get over the lip and back onto the path.  I roll back down but no matter which direction I roll I just don’t have enough momentum to get back up and out.  Each time I try I lose a little more momentum until, eventually, I come to a stop at the bottom of the “depression”.  Somewhere along the path I allowed myself to be distracted enough to get off track.  And the further I got off track the more difficult it became to get back on track.  To pull from prior posts, I let a ball drop and inertia took over.  

Depression (not sure which form yet) is what I have been dealing with these past couple months, as I have dealt with it many times over my adult life.  Over the past few years I have done well in my struggle with ADHD.  I tried several different prescriptions, all of which met with varying degrees of success.  But with all of them I experienced side effects I was not willing to endure longer term.  I have a coach that I meet with every two weeks.  I have a small support network of laypeople and professionals.  I have various skills and routines that I have developed to help me manage life with ADHD.  And I have all my books, websites and research.  And though I have experienced several failures, they are punctuated by the many small successes I have recognized and acknowledged along the way.  Eventually, and not without help, I hope to exert enough force to get up and out of this depression and back on the path.  Time will tell.  I’m learning to be patient.   

There’s that “Zen” thing again ………….

j.d.