"C" is for ...........

Choices.

Coffee, Tea …… or A.D.D. ???  When traveling one typically has choices.  You can drive your car, ride a train or bus, board a boat or fly in a plane.  Most modes of transportation also offer you choices.  There’s First Class, Business Class, Coach and (in some countries) Baggage or Roof.  Depending on which class you choose (or can afford) you have choices for your in-transit meal.  And most over the age of 50 can recall the oft-used flight attendant’s sexy pick-up line “Coffee, Tea …… or Me?”   Of course this only happens in low budget movies but WOW, what a choice!  Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a choice of whether or not we wanted to live with ADHD?  I sometimes fantasize about a life without ADHD and its inherent challenges.  In my fantasies I’m happy, successful, prosperous and popular.  I have a perfect, loving family ……… actually that part is closer to reality, the “loving” part anyway.  I have time to pursue my passions ……… I have passions!  I’m never anxious or worried about anything I did or didn’t do.  I don’t have any problems and not a care in the world.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the air is sweet …… life is grand.  Then reality (looking remarkably like the late comedian Sam Kinison) slaps me across the face and screams “SNAP OUT OF IT!”  Talk about harsh …….

Ahhh, the harsh reality of ADHD.  We are born with this condition and it will be a constant companion throughout our entire life.  There is currently no cure for ADHD and you won’t grow out of it.  And one of life’s cruel jokes is that most people will never even know they have it.  I know that everyone has a particular cross to bear, and this is ours.  So, what do we do about it?  Well first you need a small stroke of luck, that someone who cares about you suspects that you may have ADHD or something else that will send you to a person able to identify your condition.  Trust me, you really don’t want to be “misdiagnosed” on this one.  There are several neurological conditions that can present similar to ADHD and there are others that often co-exist or mask ADHD.  So the first “choice” you must make is to seek the advice of a medical professional.  There is no stigma in this and you can only benefit.

Since the subject of this post is “choices” I think a good place to start a candid discussion is with a question.  And the obvious one, “What are my choices?”, that ain’t it.  The biggest question we must answer, and oddly enough the most difficult, is “How do we choose?”  I remember how difficult it has always been for me to take tests.  It didn’t matter what the subject of the test was, or how important it was that I pass it.  It didn’t matter if it was an academic test, an employment test or a driving test.  And it really didn’t matter how well I knew the material I was being tested on.  The most difficult part of the test for me was just getting through the question!  If the question was more than a half dozen words I would often need to re-read it several times if I hoped to be able to answer it correctly (maybe this is why I always lost college drinking games?).  And even then it often was a crap shoot.  Still, I did better on multiple choice than essays (unless the topic was “stream of consciousness” writing).

Over the past few years I’ve learned I’m often much better at solving a particular challenge, or answering a specific question, than I am at preparing a presentation.  All the knowledge is in my brain, I just have difficulty accessing it much of the time.  It’s kind of like the game show “Jeopardy”.  Ask me to tell you everything I know about 20^th Century American Literature and my likely response will be a blank stare as my mind spins out of control.  But ask me a specific question about the subject and the answer is often automatic, from the gut.  (By the way, my wife keeps telling me I should get on “Jeopardy”).  So it’s important to have an understanding about how you process information, how you learn and later access that knowledge, before you can address the next question “What are my options?”  To do this you’ll have to look back over your history with an honest and, most importantly, non-judgmental eye.  Judgment and self-chastisement has no place here and will only inhibit any progress.  As for myself, I have found this process more “feeling” than logic.  While I tend to process knowledge logically, like most of us are taught in school, I have found that many of my successful “choices” these past few years have been made from the gut.  They feel right, though I can’t always explain why.  And most of the time they’re right on the money. 

If you can successfully navigate your way through the first two choices there is a dizzying array of alternatives and options beyond.  This may seem daunting at first, and may discourage many from even trying, but take heart.  Each successive “choice” you make will cut the number of future options, narrowing the focus just a bit more.  And with each choice made, successfully or not, it gets just a bit easier to make the next one.  Is it possible that at some point the “choice” well can run dry?  I think the Buddhists call that Nirvana …………we call it peace and quiet.

j.d.